“Two souls are enough to get married! Do you need items to marry?”
was the million dollar question that confronted me when I was abroad as an
English teacher. Interesting, but shameful isn’t it? What do you think would
have been my answer? I felt that I should dive deep for possible answers.
The average Indian sees marriages from the entirely opposite perspective than what it should be…. A marriage is an important chapter in life which harmonises two souls into a mutual contract, for a life in unison – that would create an unexplainable love and understanding among them for happiness in a new realm and if necessary bring forth new lives for their need and solace, with the least interference of anyone other than the man and wife. I have always wondered if this was and this is the right understanding of what it should be.
Anyhow, how are the wedding dramas brought on stage?
The bride’s parents, the cursed lot, are doomed to live a life of sacrifices in order to SAVE for the future of their daughter, to help her SETTLE WELL. From the moment the girl is born, or even from the moment the gynaecologist confirms, “It is a girl!” the countdown starts. You can’t do this, this can’t be your passion, how can you wear this, you are destined to go to ANOTHER FAMILY and so on….
On the other hand the bridegroom’s people frisk about with high heads and blessed thoughts that somewhere in this world there is a slave with her family waiting for the auspicious moment to carry loads and loads of ITEMS and CASH and be sworn into their hands for a life long puppetry!
Coming to WHAT, rather HOW the soon to be weds take it in the race………..
“It is my right, my share that my father has to give me – as it was given for my sister… am I not worthy of it?” I brought this much, this was all given by my family”, are day to-day utterances of women. (Shameless – since she is of the notion that carrying a lot of stuff from parents shows her weight! Rather never realises that she has to empower herself with everything that would show her as a human being to handle a new family)
“I like your girl. Other formalities will be decided by my ‘MOM’ – will be the man’s stand. (Still shameless – I have always felt….. “What on earth you people have in your heads? ‘FORMALITIES’ what do they mean?)
As an unwritten rule, kilograms of the precious yellow and white metal, immovable property, cash deposits, so called exclusive, designer ware, household items and the most ridiculously of all in the recent days – a servant maid who will accompany MY SLAVE are sure to be underlined here. The above teaser is the proud presentation of our soon to be husbands who will be blessed as soon to be fathers! Yeah, all in life is a cycle isn’t it?
God save the unseen embryo which starts thriving, soon to breathe the strong effluents we exude. From the day of inception until the little one falls on this earth, shouldn’t it be floating on warm waters of love, compassion and harmony? How many couples can assure this marvellous gift to their offspring? Even at such an initial stage as father and mother are they able to nurture their flesh and blood with the utmost of what is required? Yet, what is the reality? They are well ahead committed to a myriad of loans, EMIs and the similar lot which keeps them rolling the days in calculations and speculations rather bathe the tiny soul in unconditional love and acceptance to welcome its journey with them.
Having pondered over how differently people see marriages, let us also look at the flip side of things.
- I have had a big WHY when I see all this around. Going back several generations to our ancestral mind sets, it was not uncommon to marry within the family due to the urge of sticking tight to the family wheel fearing that the family legacy may be passed to an outsider into the family.
- Some punishment weddings, are until today solemnised, due to the foolish vows of either or both the set of parents to CONTINUE their stupid bonding through the innocent next generation too!
- Indeed the most important of all to be considered is the folly of the current generation having not realised the real sense of a marriage! Probably, social compulsions, peer pressure and insecurity about being single in a group of the wedded lot could be few more acceptable reasons.
However, marriages bloom with colourful blossoms to a big group of people. Ranging from the matching counsellors to the event organisers who are in charge of the eleventh dish on the plantain leaf in the three day ceremony of Indian weddings, no one can deny the revenue that circulates to keep the fire burning in the family kitchens of all who contribute towards the nuptial bonding!
The most common BUT expensive event hosted by all classes, could,
to a far extent, be kept under check! It is the ultimate choice that
we have to channelise our energies and resources to positive, necessary, NEED OF THE HOUR ventures.
IF NOT WE THEN WHO? IF NOT NOW THEN WHEN?